I’ve Got Mask Mania

Okay, I’ve gone on poetic diatribes about why people should be wearing masks and social distancing during a pandemic, but can I just take a moment to talk about how much I actually love masks? It sucks if you don’t enjoy wearing one, but holy hell, I’m having so much fun with my masks. There are just so many reasons for me to wear a mask, that I thought I’d spend today sharing with you, my Above Average readers, why I, your Below Average Blogger, think they’re awesome.

It Makes Me Feel Like a Costumed Vigilante

Granted, a lot of super heroes don’t actually wear face coverings, such as Superman with his perfectly chiseled features and piercing blue eyes.

But a lot of stellar heroes do wear masks, like Spider-Man, The Question, and Sister Night. And even though I’m nowhere near them in terms of coolness, wearing a mask makes me feel like I could (in theory) be a hero.

Is this childish?

Heck yes.

Do I care?

Not in the slightest.

Masks Hide My Least Favorite Features

I’m honestly not too fond of my face.

You know how sometimes hearing your voice recorded and played back to you is thoroughly off-putting?

That’s what it feels like to see my face sometimes.

Just as my voice sounds like it doesn’t belong in my throat, I occasionally don’t really connect with the face I see in the mirror. It’s me, but it doesn’t look like me.

Side note: This is incredibly strange to actually type out. It makes me sound a tad psychotic. Don’t worry. I’m perfectly fine. These are just errant thoughts I occasionally get. (Oh geez, that sounds exactly like what a psychotic person would say to explain this away.)

A mask covers the majority of my face, leaving only my eyes to stare out. (Which is fine by me. My eyes are below average and good-humored, which totally jives with how I perceive myself.)

It’s a Gracious Gesture Toward Others

Lately, I’ve been working on my bows, so that I can perfect a pandemic-era salutation. It’s actually harder than it sounds. You want to come across as gracious, while not looking like you’re being abysmally subservient.

And a mask is the perfect thing to complement my courtesy in bowing.

See, what a lot of people don’t seem to get is that masks aren’t intended to protect you from getting sick. Masks are intended to protect others. When I wear a mask, I’m wearing it on the off chance I’m an asymptomatic carrier. It is a symbol of my respect and regard for others around me.

And that kind of civility really appeals to me.

I Get To Look Like Richard Nixon

Okay, Nixon is definitely not my favorite US president. In fact, he’s somewhere near the bottom in a ranking of every president that ever took the Presidential Oath of Office.

But I do enjoy coming back inside after a summer walk with my mask (I live in a place with temperatures consistently 100 degrees Fahrenheit or hotter), taking off my mask in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at the slick sheen of sweat on my upper lip, and then caustically muttering, “Well, when the president does it, that means it is not illegal” like Frank Langella from Frost/Nixon.

It’s funny.

They Come in Different Colors

Personally, I did not go on a mask spending-spree when social distancing was put into effect in March.

However, both my mother and her sisters went absolutely nuts buying a bunch of masks, of all colors and types.

My mother got me some homemade ones from a friend of hers, and those come in navy blue, light blue with rainbow flowers, light grey with white spirals, and black. She also got a few from some stores, including a plain white and a bright red.

My tias (aunts), always looking at the heights of fashion, got me silk and cotton masks made by designer Johnny Was.

Fucking silk.

I didn’t know who the heck Johnny Was was, but he makes some damn fine masks. I feel uber cool wearing his pleated and floral wares.

If you find yourself traveling during this time, be sure to do yourself and others a favor by wearing a mask when out in public. It is not only the decent thing to do, but it is the fun thing to do, too.

I think I’m going to keep on wearing masks in the future. I’ve grown rather fond of it.

I mean, clearly, since I just wrote an entire blog post about it.

11 thoughts on “I’ve Got Mask Mania”

  1. “I’m honestly not too fond of my face” – Madness! I have dysmorphia so know how you feel, but you obviously look fantabulous so own that shizzles!

    As for the masks, we have the same issue in England. So many people just down care (and we’re having massive COVID spikes in Manchester as a result). I’d be all up for everyone walking around in hazmat suits. Just for amusement factor along with the safety benefits.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I strangely find making eye contact with people whilst wearing a mask a lot easier! I think it’s because I hate my nose though 😅
    The mask definitely makes me feel like I’m an under cover spy 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey! It’s that masked vigilante I’ve been seeing all over the news! Good post.

    Masks have actually been mandatory here for several months. We have to wear them at all times; not just for when we go shopping, but any time we leave the house. There are huge fines for getting caught without one. How does it work in the US? Does it depend on what state you’re in? I know your dumb president tried turning them into a culture war…

    I’m a little bit over wearing them on my daily walks. It’s harder to breathe when you’re physically exerting yourself. I feel like I haven’t had any fresh air in like three months, lol.

    I think they should be mandatory in indoor spaces, but optional if you’re socially distancing in an open outdoor environment, like a park. But I still wear them every day, not because it’s legally enforced but because I understand it’s the right thing to do. It was pretty cool wearing one in the worst of winter, as it kept my face warm! 🙂

    My girlfriend has a couple of colourful or patterned masks to make a statement. I think all that’s pretty fun. I like to pretend I’m Sub-Zero from MK when I wear my blue mask + black beanie combo. When all this is over, I hope masks become a lasting part of Western culture during winter. I love that they’re so prevalent in Asia.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahaha Sub-Zero’s mask is perfect for these times! For work, my fellow editors and I were just loving this list about which Mortal Kombat characters are masking properly and which aren’t.

      Mask guidelines vary from state to state here. The federal government has been very hands-off when it comes to regulating it, which leads to wildly different rules depending on where you live.

      And yeah, masks can get stifling outdoors, especially during summer. I think my chin and mouth area has never been more prone to pimples than these days. But hey, at least the mask can cover up what it causes, right? 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m definitely going to have to up my mask game. I have black, black, and a hideous, lavender-with-hearts things I wear if all others are drying. Like you, though, I kind of like them. I can hide the face I dislike. I can hide the scars. I have at long last achieved anonymity 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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