I Ate a Snail! (And Spent Time with My Family)

A few days ago, I celebrated my Tia Kaki’s birthday with my mom and the rest of my tias. And by a few days ago, I mean weeks at this point. I am seriously scheduling/writing way in advance of these posts actually being published. I figure if I keep this up, I can build myself a nice buffer and go on a vacation one day.

Yeah.

Right.

Side note: For those of you who don’t know, “tia” means “aunt.”

My Tia Kaki wanted to get together with her sisters and have a nice meal out and about, and since they were all vaccinated and COVID restrictions were lifting, we all decided to take her out for lunch. So one bright and sunny morning, my Tia Kaki, my Tia Esther, my Tia Martha, my mom, and me piled into a car together and drove to San Diego.

It was seriously one of the best moments of my life. It might not seem like much, jamming five people into a car and driving somewhere for lunch, but it had been so long since I had done anything of the sort. I used to be the kind of family member at large gatherings who would greet everyone once, then settle down in one spot to read quietly. I was never much for socializing.

But during this trip, it’s like I hung onto every word my tias said. I wanted to know what they had been up, where we were going, what they thought of this-and-this piece of gossip. I just relished every minute of that two-hour car drive.

When we arrived in downtown San Diego, our first order of business was parking. My mother nervously circled around blocks looking for an open space. We found one not too far from the restaurant we had a reservation at. And while we waited for our appointed time, we went into this little boutique.

Never has browsing through a store seemed so appealing. It was empty except for us, and we were all masked and hushed as we entered. We spent no more than fifteen minutes looking at little scarves, bracelets, and hats, but it felt so reminiscent of a different time. My Tia Martha bought me a black headband with little golden bees strewn across the top.

Side note: My tias are the queens of spoiling both my sister and I and their various nieces. They have perfected the art of spoiling.

I was nervous when we went into the restaurant since it was my first time eating at a public place since quarantining and social distancing first became a thing here, but the novelty of what used to be a familiar experience soon had me enjoying the moment. Plus, I wanted to milk all the time I had with my tias.

It was a fairly swanky restaurant, and my tias ordered their dishes like pros. My Tia Esther ordered an appetizer of (get this) snails.

That’s right, folks. We had ourselves some escargot.

For the first time in my life, I ate a snail.

I’m not normally too daring when it comes to food, but I have been making an effort to try new things. So when my Tia Esther offered me the snail…I took it.

It was absolutely drenched in this garlic butter sauce, so flavor-wise, it tasted like garlic and butter. Drench anything in garlic and butter, and that is what it will taste like.

Side note: Maybe this is too much information, but for like…four hours after I ate that, every time I burped, this garlicy, buttery aroma filled my mouth.

Texture-wise, the snail felt like a mushroom. I’m not overly fond of mushrooms, so I think it’s safe to say I’m not overly fond of snails. Regardless, I’m still glad I tried it.

We all had buckets full of fun trying out the food and sharing from each other’s plates. My Tia Kaki got ceviche (lemony as heck), my Tia Martha got this crab cake thing (that was not to my liking at all), my mom got a beet salad (it looked like her plate was bleeding), and my Tia Esther got this lamb salad (interesting, very interesting). I am not joking by calling this one of my best days.

Afterwards, we drove to a shopping center, and we listened to 80s songs and sang along to them. We were all a bit off key, but that didn’t matter. We were having fun.

If you were ever to go shopping with my tias, you would immediately note their practiced eye as they meandered through stores. They have a keen understanding of the value of brand names, more than I ever have or will. They could estimate the current worth (and the eventual worth) of a Louis Vuitton bag faster than I could snap a finger.

My mom is the odd one out, where she prefers to just sit down at a shady table and people-watch, so after walking around with my tias, we reconvened with her and then departed for home.

The whole day felt gloriously ordinary, and I’m happy I got to spend that time with my family. COVID has placed a lot of things I took for granted into sharp perspective. I appreciated every second of that day, and I am looking forward to spending more with my mom and my tias.

My Sister Has a Blog!

I’m very excited to share with you all that my sister has made a blog!

She and a friend of hers started a travel blog called “Oh, hey sis! Oasis!” and it covers cool spots to visit in the Southwestern states. I have a pitiful “Travel” section to my blog, but you can bet your buttons theirs will be absolutely above-average in comparison.

Both my sister and her friend have unique voices in writing, and the locales they visit are off-the-beaten-path types of spots.

In honor of their efforts (and as a kind of filler post because work is being just a tad overwhelming right now), I thought I would dedicate this post to directing anyone who reads my stuff to theirs. They really are cool writers and their website is a thing of beauty.

Go check it out and give them an Above Average hello!

I’ve Got Mask Mania

Okay, I’ve gone on poetic diatribes about why people should be wearing masks and social distancing during a pandemic, but can I just take a moment to talk about how much I actually love masks? It sucks if you don’t enjoy wearing one, but holy hell, I’m having so much fun with my masks. There are just so many reasons for me to wear a mask, that I thought I’d spend today sharing with you, my Above Average readers, why I, your Below Average Blogger, think they’re awesome.

It Makes Me Feel Like a Costumed Vigilante

Granted, a lot of super heroes don’t actually wear face coverings, such as Superman with his perfectly chiseled features and piercing blue eyes.

But a lot of stellar heroes do wear masks, like Spider-Man, The Question, and Sister Night. And even though I’m nowhere near them in terms of coolness, wearing a mask makes me feel like I could (in theory) be a hero.

Is this childish?

Heck yes.

Do I care?

Not in the slightest.

Masks Hide My Least Favorite Features

I’m honestly not too fond of my face.

You know how sometimes hearing your voice recorded and played back to you is thoroughly off-putting?

That’s what it feels like to see my face sometimes.

Just as my voice sounds like it doesn’t belong in my throat, I occasionally don’t really connect with the face I see in the mirror. It’s me, but it doesn’t look like me.

Side note: This is incredibly strange to actually type out. It makes me sound a tad psychotic. Don’t worry. I’m perfectly fine. These are just errant thoughts I occasionally get. (Oh geez, that sounds exactly like what a psychotic person would say to explain this away.)

A mask covers the majority of my face, leaving only my eyes to stare out. (Which is fine by me. My eyes are below average and good-humored, which totally jives with how I perceive myself.)

It’s a Gracious Gesture Toward Others

Lately, I’ve been working on my bows, so that I can perfect a pandemic-era salutation. It’s actually harder than it sounds. You want to come across as gracious, while not looking like you’re being abysmally subservient.

And a mask is the perfect thing to complement my courtesy in bowing.

See, what a lot of people don’t seem to get is that masks aren’t intended to protect you from getting sick. Masks are intended to protect others. When I wear a mask, I’m wearing it on the off chance I’m an asymptomatic carrier. It is a symbol of my respect and regard for others around me.

And that kind of civility really appeals to me.

I Get To Look Like Richard Nixon

Okay, Nixon is definitely not my favorite US president. In fact, he’s somewhere near the bottom in a ranking of every president that ever took the Presidential Oath of Office.

But I do enjoy coming back inside after a summer walk with my mask (I live in a place with temperatures consistently 100 degrees Fahrenheit or hotter), taking off my mask in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at the slick sheen of sweat on my upper lip, and then caustically muttering, “Well, when the president does it, that means it is not illegal” like Frank Langella from Frost/Nixon.

It’s funny.

They Come in Different Colors

Personally, I did not go on a mask spending-spree when social distancing was put into effect in March.

However, both my mother and her sisters went absolutely nuts buying a bunch of masks, of all colors and types.

My mother got me some homemade ones from a friend of hers, and those come in navy blue, light blue with rainbow flowers, light grey with white spirals, and black. She also got a few from some stores, including a plain white and a bright red.

My tias (aunts), always looking at the heights of fashion, got me silk and cotton masks made by designer Johnny Was.

Fucking silk.

I didn’t know who the heck Johnny Was was, but he makes some damn fine masks. I feel uber cool wearing his pleated and floral wares.

If you find yourself traveling during this time, be sure to do yourself and others a favor by wearing a mask when out in public. It is not only the decent thing to do, but it is the fun thing to do, too.

I think I’m going to keep on wearing masks in the future. I’ve grown rather fond of it.

I mean, clearly, since I just wrote an entire blog post about it.

The Death of Travel Plans

For those of you who have stuck with me after all this time, you should know by now that I mainly talk about five things: books, movies, video games, my bird, and random stuff that pops into my head. However, if you’ve visited the homepage of my blog, you might have noticed there is a little-used “Travel” category there too.

See, when I started this stupid bloggy thing, I imagined I would have a few trips that I could write about from time to time. Small getaways with friends, vacations with families, and special gaming conventions would all become fodder for this blogging category.

Yeah, 2020 really put a lid on those ideas.

As with everyone else who is social distancing and “sheltering at home,” my travel plans went out the window with the rise of COVID-19.

Normally, I actually wouldn’t mind. For one thing, a decrease in travel content translates to an increase in movie/book/video game content for the blog. For another, I’m a homebody. I don’t go places for fun very often.

But this was going to be the summer my sister and I went on a big adventure.

We had made plans (as in bought plane tickets, booked hotel rooms, and everything) to go to New York, Ireland, and Iceland this summer. While I might not have a major travel bug, my sister does, and I’m her favorite traveling companion. We were going to paint the globe red with our antics.

So that’s basically not going to happen now.

It’s the smart and safe thing to do. Now is not the time to be meeting new people and touching countless surfaces on a quest. I told my sister as much when the first coronavirus whispers were starting.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t be let down by it, right?

Anybody who has had to stuff plans for this summer (and this coming fall too, I bet) down the drain knows this dismay, this pang that hits your gut when you have to make the executive decision to not do something you wanted to do. It sucks.

And there’s not really a bright side to the situation aside from not getting yourself and others sick.

It’s at this point in time that I’m going to turn to one of my all-time favorite coping mechanisms, and that’s screaming into the void.

This evening, I’m going to take a very long walk. I have open fields of dirt for miles not fifteen minutes from where I live. (I live in an agricultural town, if you must know.) After walking for so long that I’m dead tired, I’m going to stop in a place where no one is around. Then I’m going to yell at the sunset.

I’m not mad at the sunset or anything. But the sunset won’t call me a whiner with first-world problems as I vent my disappointment in one nice, long shout.

And then I’ll go home and patiently wait for the time when I can go traveling with my sister once again.

A Trip to Balboa Park

I’m normally a very solitary person, but when it comes to day trips, there is nothing better than traveling with friends.

Yesterday, Mia, Bubba, and I went to Balboa Park in San Diego. I had an absolutely fantastic time, and even though the museums and gardens were fun, the main reason for that is because my friends were with me. Together, we had a blast, a riot, and all those other words that mean a good time.

We woke up insanely early (Mia would call it an ungodly hour), even though most of the museums didn’t open until 10 am. We killed time at 6 in the morning at Mission Beach.

Since we don’t live close to the ocean (in fact we live in a veritable desert) Bubba and I took this opportunity to stride into the water. That early in the morning, the water was cold, but we didn’t care.

Well, we did, we froze our elbows off, but we pushed forward anyway.

Wincing and yelping with every frigid wave that hit us, the three of us collected shells to while away the time.

Afterwards, we changed into less wet clothes and stopped off at a place called Olive Tree Market before going to Balboa. That market makes the most amazing sandwiches I’ve ever had. I got this one called the Picasso. It’s this pesto chicken monstrosity that’s to die for.

Bubba and Mia let me take a picture to showcase the deliciousness of the sandwiches.

You know you have good friends when they let you take a pic of them in a pose mid-bite.

After those stomach-pleasing sandwiches, we drove on to Balboa Park.

As soon as we arrived, the most magical thing happened. Two friendly squirrels approached us.

Some people say I’m far too taken with little animals (you know who you are), but at that moment, I wasn’t paying attention to those people’s voices in my head. Those squirrels were begging to be AWWWWWWW-ed over.

The squirrels distracted us for a while, but the gardens and museums soon pulled us away.

For those of you who don’t know, Balboa Park is essentially a collection of museums and gardens in one location. There are a minimum of sixteen museums there. During our trip, we only visited five places.

The first stop on our journey was the Botanical Building. It’s a huge building comprised entirely of slats, allowing filtered sunlight to shine through the roof. Plants are everywhere, obviously, and the smell is fantastic. You’re in shade most of the time thanks to the lush foliage. Bubba, Mia, and I had fun ambling through the garden. We especially liked the Scratch-and-Sniff section, filled with small plants you can touch and smell. One of them smelled exactly like maple syrup.

After having our fill of chlorophyll, we made our way to the Museum of Natural History. We spent a huge amount of time there because we got so distracted by the exhibits. A lot of them were designed with kids in mind, and…well, that kind of catered to us. Bubba and I spent an embarrassing amount of time playing with these plastic skulls with movable jaws (meant to demonstrate differences in bone structure), making them lip-synch to us singing Blue Swede’s “Hooked on a Feeling .”

Mia, who had recently visited the museum, led us to a section on the third floor with a book collection. It contained a bunch of old books people wrote when they were observing natural phenomena. The one that caught my eye the most was one about trapdoor spiders. A man named Lee Passmore wrote about them, and he actually made me interested enough to consider finding more of his work later on.

We also visited a section that showcased a bunch of dead animals in jars. That was…creepy. But fun at the same time.

After realizing we couldn’t spend as much time in a single museum as we had if we wanted to see more, we moved on to the Science Center. That place is awesome. When I was a kid, my parents took me there a couple of times. It’s mainly geared toward kids, but, as we already know, that didn’t deter Mia, Bubba, or me.

We fiddled with electronic devices, practiced Morse Code, studied optical illusions, participated in a marble vortex of death, whispered to each other across a large room using echo devices, tossed discs onto a larger spinning disc, experimented with solar power, all that jazz. It was the most interactive portion of our trip.

However, the museum I was most excited for was the San Diego Museum of Art. The first time I had ever visited Balboa Park, we went to this museum and looked at all the pieces in their turn. None of them really called to me because I was an ignorant child who much preferred the Science Center’s activities to staring at portraits. Plus, things like Abstract Expressionism annoy me.

However, there was one piece of art I absolutely adored. The moment I looked at it, I was hypnotized, unable to look away. It oozed majesty, mystery, and integrity.

It’s called “Caged Pie.”

So during this trip, the one thing I knew I had to do was find it again. Bubba, Mia, and I explored every gallery, and in each room, I searched for Caged Pie. When I found it, it was everything I hoped it would be. You could see the even white brush strokes in the background, the dark colors of the pie juices, and the edges of the glass cage.

I don’t know what the picture “means.” I just know that I like it.

We saw other pieces of art at the museum, but that was the one I anticipated the most. I went to the museum’s gift shop afterwards and bought five postcards of Caged Pie for myself.

We were getting very tired with all the walking around at this point. So we decided to cap our trip with a peaceful amble through the Japanese Friendship Garden. I wish we had more time to appreciate the elegance of the garden, but the walk was still enjoyable. There were at least two koi ponds, filled with brilliantly colored koi, a bonsai tree altar, and rock pathways galore.

The only thing that “marred” our time in the garden was the man playing the organ in the amphitheater nearby. The Japanese Friendship Garden is right next to this open-air organ. Whoever was playing it was playing frenzied renditions of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker suite. It ruined the mood, but it did make us laugh.

And at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with a few laughs.

I’m a Horrible Packer

Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of traveling.

And by traveling, I just mean going from location to location for specific events that I’ve had planned for this summer (e.g., E3, house-sitting, pet-sitting, conferences, etc.). I’m not exactly backpacking in Europe.

Anyways, all this traveling has made me realize a rather immutable law of nature.

I’m a terrible packer.

It’s true. I’m the worst. I just can’t seem to get the hang of consolidating. No matter how hard I try, my belongings just seem to spread out. It’s as if that’s their natural state or something.

Plus, I’m also one of those god-awful persons who pack bags within bags. It started as a wish to not get lotion all over other items in my suitcase, but the habit just exploded. I now have a toiletry bag, a dentistry bag, a dirty clothes bag, a chargers/cables bag, a computer bag, and a book bag to place in my bigger travelling bags, i.e. my suitcases. (Suitcases plural!)

Oh, don’t get me started on my book bag.

See, I like to read lots of books at the same time. It’s my favorite way to read. So my book bag is this large duffle I lug around with me that holds eighteen books I alternate reading from chapter to chapter. I hate going anywhere without my book bag because it is my primary source of entertainment. What would I do without my books? Stare into nothingness?

Needless to say, the book bag takes up a lot of space when I travel. The bag is pretty big. It has to be to hold eighteen books. The book bag is cumbersome defined.

Plus, I’m a terrible folder of clothes. They get all bunchy and wrinkled and take up more space in my suitcase than if I just plopped them in there willy-nilly.

So I know blogs are normally intended as a friendly resource to the average reader. People follow blogs that contain helpful or interesting information they can use or enjoy, be that movie reviews or lifestyle options.

But this is The Below Average Blog, and I clearly don’t follow that format.

So instead of making great packing advice available to you, like an above average (hell, as an average) blogger would do, I’m going to BEG YOU to please give me packing tips in order to put my travels in order. I need to be a better packer, for my sake as well as for the sake of the people traveling with me!

E3 Day Three: Birthday Bliss

I woke up especially early for the final day of E3.

I woke up every day of E3 pretty early, but the third day was the day I practically anticipated the alarm.

The last day of the expo worked differently than the ones that had gone before it. Previously, industry and media badge-holders got a few extra hours on the exhibit floors before the plebeian (I’m joking) gamer badge-holders were allowed in. On Thursday, industry, media, and gamer badge-holders could all enter at the same time.

That meant all bets were off when it came time to line up for those game demos.

So even though my burrow of blankets was begging to be stayed in, I got up at the ass-crack of dawn to be one of the first people in line.

You see, there was one thing I had yet to do at E3.

I had not played the Doom Eternal demo.

I know, I know. ‘Amanda, how could you go to E3 as a professed Doom lover and not bum-rush the Doom Eternal demo first thing?’

Cut me some slack. It was my first E3, and I was awed by all the games and forgot to pay attention to demo scheduling. I kind of wandered around and played the games that fell into my lap.

Anyways, the Doom Eternal demo was the one thing I wanted to do that day. If I got to play that demo, then I could leave the expo happy. It was my sole objective for Thursday. Anything else accomplished would be considered a bonus.

I arrived at the convention center at the perfect time. Only about twelve people were clustered around the entrance to the exhibit hall. However, it was almost as if my coming heralded the surge of gamer badge-holders. A wave of people, mostly men, shuffled into line behind and around me. In fact, the line became more of a circular mob instead of an actual straight line.

Now, I’m not normally a super chatty person, but there’s something comforting about being surrounded by people you know without a doubt have the same interests as you.

So I made friends with the men standing next to me, talking giddily about how much I wanted to play Doom Eternal (as clearly evidenced by my Doom Eternal shirt) and how much fun I had been having at E3 from the get-go. I even let drop the fact that it was my birthday and got a chorus of “Happy Birthdays!” from these complete strangers, which was freakin’ sweet.

Now the guys around me encompassed the entire spectrum of male gamers. There were skinny boys without an ounce of meat to their bodies, guys with glasses shoved up to the highest point on the bridge of their nose, heavy-set males with tangly beards, muscular dude-bros with tattoos etched across their arms. But we were all united in our love for games.

And our determination to race forward to our favorites.

One of the guys next to me, a guy in a tank top with tattoos on his arm, was also planning to rush toward Doom Eternal just like me. He and his much smaller friend were aching to play it as much as I was.

Side note: That’s a lie. NO ONE was aching to play Doom Eternal as much as I was!

I made a joke about how I would use his body as a ram and shield in my own push to get to the demo. And he was just totally chill about. “Yeah, man, go ahead. You do what you have to do.”

His smaller friend nodded and grinned. He said, “That’s what I’m planning to do.”

And when the exhibit floors were opened, that’s almost exactly what happened. The three of us formed a javelin that pierced through the crowds. The tank-top guy in front was the tip and the smaller guy and me were the shaft. (Please, no dirty jokes.)

Eventually, I broke formation because I was too much of a pussy to run. But the three of us made it to the Doom Eternal demo, and when I took a seat next to the guys who had run ahead of me, they let out a cheer and yelled, “Happy birthday!” again. I was tickle-pink with happiness. Even more so when the tattoo guy mentioned that if I had not gotten a spot to play the demo, he would have given his up to me because he knew how much I wanted to play.

I swear, beneath the layers of sweat, insecurity, arrogance, nerdiness, or awkwardness that gamers throw up around themselves, there are some truly kind people.

The Doom Eternal demo was everything I hoped it would be. Fast-paced, demon-slaying action that refused to let up. Even the quiet moments felt bad-ass. The changes to the control scheme have all been altered to make the gameplay even more rapid than it already was. I’m totes excited for it (please excuse the “totes”), and when it comes out in November, I’m going to be pumped as hell.

Side note: Get it? “Pumped as hell?” Doom? Hell?

Ken and German, who were running late, caught up with me after the demo. We added a newcomer to our group, named Vien. Vien had been one of the gamer badge-holders in line with me alongside tank-top guy and his friend. I invited him to hang out with us, and he agreed.

He took us to play Harvest Moon, which was a lot of fun. The farming techniques are as fake as ever, but they are doubly entertaining. Plus, for playing the demo, we got a sweet sheep keychain.

Vien and German then lined up to try out Catherine: Full Body. While they were in line for that, I went to the indie game section to play Hot Swap just one more time. I also got to play another intriguing indie game called Manifold Garden. It was a puzzle game designed to mess with your typical perspective in a video game. Walls and ceilings could become a floor at the press of a button.

After a mind-bending time with Manifold Garden, I returned to German and Vien at the Catherine line. (Ken had gone to see Elon Musk’s panel at the Novo.) I was able to stand behind them while they played and observed the insanity of Catherine: Full Body’s gameplay mechanics and level design. German was playing the demo on normal, and he could not complete it. (He’s a fantastic gamer; I’m not trying to bash on his skills.)

Vien did not join me, German, and Ken for lunch, opting to go stand in line for the Ghost Recon: Breakpoint demo. Ken, tired from days of walking around, decided to call it quits on the expo after we had food. We promised to stay in touch, and then German and I went back to the convention center without him.

We met up with Vien at the Ghost Recon section, where he was barely at the front of the line. I watched him play from behind as German went to try out Monster Hunter’s Iceborne expansion again. Afterwards, Vien told me he wasn’t a big fan of the demo, but he also explained that Ghost Recon’s type of strategy wasn’t his style.

The three of us called it quits after kerfuffling around some old arcade games. There was a section in the South Hall devoted to old games like Contra, the original Donkey Kong, and Centipede. We didn’t plan to end our time this way, but it was fitting that we finished E3, the temple of upcoming games, by playing some classics.

This day was honestly one of the happiest days of my life. I can’t remember feeling so content and excited before. I mean, I’m sure there might have been days like that when I was a kid, but those times are a thing of the past now. Exiting the convention center, I was feeling nothing but pure bliss.

Which is probably why it was so hilarious when, shortly after leaving the expo, I tripped while walking on the sidewalk and tore my pants, scraped my palm and my knee, and bruised my ego.

But you know what?

I felt so happy, not even that fall could bring me down (figuratively speaking since I did actually hit the ground).

I picked myself up with a grin, examined the new hole in my pants, and then walked on.

E3 Day Two: Networking on VR Dance Floors

My second day at E3 was far more mellow than my first day. First of all, I wasn’t as panicky as I was before. I was steeped in pleasant determination to experience all I could, and I had general expectations of what the expo could offer me.

My initial enthusiasm was still bolstering me (and powering me through hours of walking and standing).

Ken, German, and I met up once again to traverse the floors together as a three-man pack. We started our day by taking a look at Crystal Dynamics Marvel’s Avengers game. The line to check out the demo was inordinately long, and according to some fellow line-standers, it was because the system for getting people to see the demo was highly ineffective.

The demo itself was about thirty minutes long, and the turnover rate for attendees was minuscule.

I struck up a conversation with the people ahead of us. The main topic of discussion: how terrible the lines at E3 are now.

Side note: As a first-time E3 attendee, I couldn’t say much as to what the lines were like before.

We also talked about how media badge-holders are given more privileges than industry badge-holders. I felt like one blessed duckling.

The demo for Marvel’s Avengers was…interesting. It showcased fast-paced action, but the combat felt a tad uninspired, even with the different members of the Avengers at their disposal. Plus, set-pieces seemed more important than engaging gameplay.

Another disappointing factor was that the demo was played by a developer nearby instead of by the people attending it. Too many of the demos at E3 were like that. Instead of allowing attendees to play the game for themselves, attendees were seated in closed-off rooms to watch someone else play it or a prerecorded demo.

After the Marvel’s Avengers demo, my group and I toured the gaming chair area. We tried out $1300 chairs (complete with lumbar support). Those chairs felt heavenly, but I doubt I’d ever splurge and get one for myself. That would mortally wound my wallet. Plus, I have an incurable penchant for sitting on the floor.

Eventually, we ambled over to the Monster Hunter: World section, where they were giving attendees a chance to play the upcoming Iceborne expansion.

Side note: Now, see? That’s how you do a demo.

I have never played a Monster Hunter game, but thanks to knowledge from Ken and German, and a natural sense of caution born from dipping my toes into Dark Souls games, I was able to participate and contribute to a four-person hunt.

Ken did a wonderful job of keeping an eye out for our team, popping health boosters for us if he noticed any one of our health bars dipping into dangerous territory. German was perhaps the more experimentive of our group. He liked to grapple onto the beast’s face, play around with his weapons, and things like that. We also had a rando play with us in order to fill out our group.

It was an honest blast trekking through the snow and bringing down that Tigrex.

Side note: Whenever we got a tad bored with the exhibit floor, we would hop back to the Iceborne demo and play it again.

We later meandered over to this one demo section that looked deserted compared to other booths. THQ Nordic’s Wreckfest appeared to be the one game no one really wanted to play. So of course we all hopped on to play it because it was available.

Racing games have never been my jam. I don’t get into them the way I know some avid fans do. However, Wreckfest’s lawn mower battle mode was quite enjoyable. Driving around on my little green lawnmower (in first person) trying to demolish other lawnmowers was definitely entertaining.

Part of the reason Wreckfest was abandoned on the exhibit floor was because THQ Nordic had set up the demo for Destroy All Humans! right next door. Everyone wanted to check out that upcoming action game instead.

Which is exactly what Ken, German, and I ended up doing.

German played the demo, and Ken and I stood behind him. The game looks to be of the same nature as its predecessors, with an updated look and control scheme. Humor is clearly its forte.

Near THQ Nordic’s section, a small VR station was set up. Hardly anyone was there, which is a shame because this was the most calming experience you could hope for in the middle of a crowded expo. A woman had made a VR game that was comprised of nothing but writing messages with a controller for other people to find.

The atmosphere was delightfully ethereal, with purple trees and green rivers comprising the background. And there was something really satisfying about writing out short messages using your hand as if a spray can was in it.

The three of us spent some time in this VR world, and it was particularly hilarious when Ken nearly clocked the exhibitor in the head as he left an exuberant statement.

We paused for a lunch break right around this time. The food at the convention center was ridiculously expensive, so German found us this neat little taco shop that was hidden away by some construction. Those tacos were the best goddamn tacos I ever had.

Outside the restaurant, an ominous ice cream truck was blaring creepy ice-cream-truck music. The reason the truck was so scary was because it was painted entirely black. When we approached it, though, we realized the whole thing was a gimmick. The Mortal Kombat 11 people were giving out free ice cream to people. If you took an ice cream, they gave you a wristband. The wristband would allow you to skip the line for Mortal Kombat 11 within the exhibit hall.

This seemed like a pretty good deal, so Ken, German, and I took some ice cream and received our wristbands. Sure enough, when we were back in the convention center, we were able to play some Mortal Kombat 11 without waiting at all. I played as D’Vorah and lost horribly.

At this point, the day was drawing to a close, and we were all pooped. German got us into this one last event in the South Hall. This one VR booth had this strange, club setting, complete with scantily-clad girls dancing around it. It looked like they were pitching the idea of clubbing through VR.

I was skeptical of the whole thing because it looked like a blatant attempt to grab male gamers’ attention with gyrating ladies in skin-tight clothes. But since German got us the tickets for free, I went along with it.

It actually ended up being pretty nifty. They hooked us into a connected VR space. We could see each other in a virtual world while we were separated in the physical world. German and I could wave hello to each other virtually.

The movement in this dance floor setting was insanely intuitive too. You could move yourself with a toggle, which was a fairly slow way to do it, or you could teleport yourself by aiming your controller where you wanted to go and clicking.

When one of the dancing ladies came to take off the VR headset and halter, I seriously wished my time with the “game” could have lasted longer.

For the longest time, I’ve been one of those doubters of VR, but after spending some more time with it, I think I could get used to interacting with people on a virtual dance floor.

E3 Day One: Sore Legs and a Happy Heart

On the morning of June 11, I got dropped off in front of the LA Convention Center close to 7:30 a.m. The doors to the exhibit floor did not open until 11. I was insanely early.

I didn’t care.

Seriously, I was just thrilled to the core to be going to E3 2019 (Electronic Entertainment Expo). It was summer in the middle of downtown LA with cars exuding exhaust all around me, but I breathed that air like it was crisp, mountain air.

You guys, it felt like home.

I spent hours before the South and West Halls opened walking around the exterior of the Convention Center. I figured out the different points of entry that I, as a Media badge-holder, could gain access to. I also located exactly where the entrance to the Novo (a meeting room set apart from the Convention Center) was by the Microsoft Theater.

I have to admit, I was pretty nervous walking around by myself. I had no one to bounce ideas off of when it came to scheduling my day or contemplating if I was lost. But I figured I would make do, come what may.

Luckily, the E3 gods decided to have mercy on me.

Almost immediately after I returned to the entrance of the South Hall, ready to storm the exhibit floor, I met some fellows, and we formed a party right then and there. All three of us were loners, solo attendees of E3, and that fact bonded us. With an unspoken/spoken agreement, we decided to tour the halls together.

My E3 buddies were called Ken Mood and German Sanchez. Ken was an eager first-timer like me, with a penchant for livestreaming his experiences using his interesting new phone. German was a photographer, with a penchant for practical purchasing and an eye for great camera equipment.

After we officially grouped up, we did everything as a team.

Side note: So when I say “I,” there is a high probability that I mean “we.”

We attended two panels at the Novo, one for Gears 5 and the other for Doom Eternal.

The Gears panel was an absolute riot. The voice actors for JD, Marcus, Kait, and Del showed up, and they riffed off of each other for thirty minutes straight. Toward the end of the panel, it came time for questions from the audience. This one guy got the microphone and asked the stupidest question ever.

“What is Kait’s sexual preference?”

Seriously? Are you kidding me? What kind of question is that? None of the dude characters are getting that question.

Luckily, the indefatigable John DiMaggio (voice of Marcus Fenix) had the perfect response to this poorly phrased question. If you look for it, you can actually find a video of the moment. AND, if you look at the crowd, you can see me in the corner.

Side note: Danny, don’t you dare actually post the video here. I commented on it, and that’s enough.

The Doom Eternal panel was much more mellow and informative. I am legit excited for this game. I’m more thrilled than I can say that it’s coming out this year. I don’t have to wait for Doom-slaying.

I spent a lot of the first day, shamefully so, buying merch and swag for myself and my family. Mostly for myself, I’m sorry to say. I do want to state that I don’t normally spend a lot on useless things. But I got suckered in hardcore at E3. What am I supposed to do when a Doom Eternal pin is begging to be bought?! Or a Master Chief polo shirt is dying to be worn?!

German was a much more practical buyer. I think the only thing he bought was a Satisfye Nintendo Switch grip accessory. As a new owner of a Switch (THANKS BUBBA), I don’t have a full understanding of how it feels to hold the controls, but the Satisfye grips appear to make it a lot more comfortable. They attach to the Joy-Cons, making it easier for larger hands to hold the device.

Speaking of Nintendo, their section in the West Hall was packed. And when I say packed, I mean packed. Throngs of people crowded the brightly colored booths. That’s one thing that Nintendo definitely has in its favor. Whereas a company like Bethesda has these dark and gritty displays, Nintendo’s displays are naturally eye-catching, with unabashed reds and yellows.

The three of us tried getting in to check out Luigi’s Mansion 3, but the line was exorbitantly long. Not even my media badge could help us out.

We also stopped by the Microsoft Theater to check out the Xbox Experience. The ambiance of that place is intense. It’s a massive auditorium, with game consoles stuffed on the stage. The line to get onto there was pretty short, but none of the games were new. Unfortunately for me, Ori and the Will of the Wisps was not being demo-ed.

The cool thing about the Xbox area was honestly just the atmosphere. Green spotlights streaked the air with brightness, making the whole area seem like a promotion for the Xbox. Was it blatant marketing? Maybe. Was I okay with it? Heck yes.

By far, the best game I tried out that day was a game called Hot Swap. And the funny thing is, it was an indie game. But I’m telling you guys, it was so innovative and so engaging. I’m going to try and explain it to you as best I can.

It’s a cooperative game, requiring two players to play. On the screen is a basic image of a small ship with six cannons, three on each side, sailing the ocean. For controlling the ship, each player has a rectangular board in front of them. These rectangles each have square indentations where blocky input cubes can be placed. These input cubes have different configurations on the top.

For example, one cube has a typical steering wheel for an old-timey-y ship. Another has a button with a fire symbol on it. Yet another has a lever that moves back and forth.

These cubes can be moved around easily, placed on one player’s board in a second and then picked up and moved to the other player’s board in the next. And that’s the basics of the gameplay. These two players, swapping out the input cubes as needed, have to control a small ship, find treasure, and fire at enemy boats.

Hot Swap was remarkably engaging. I seriously did not want to stop playing. If I could, I would have stayed there for hours. If it ever releases to a wider audience, I cannot recommend it highly enough. It was so much fun, with such a simple premise.

The collaboration between the two players, or lack thereof, was hilarious. When I played with Ken and German (I got to play twice), we were shouting at each other, demanding that we pass over the Load the Cannon input cube, and then whining about who would have the Steering Wheel cube. At one point, German held on to the Fire the Cannon cube for far longer than necessary, and I’m pretty sure Ken forgot to use the Fire Suppression cube properly.

I closed the evening off with a visit to the Psychonauts 2 demo. It was a prerecorded demo of gameplay, but it was fun to watch. I was originally shown the first Psychonauts by my brother-in-law, Carlos. The sequel looks to uphold the same standards of humor, which I definitely appreciate. As a psychic secret agent, it’s par for the course for you to fight against an enemy’s mental “doubts” and “regrets.”

Of course, all this walking and standing around killed my leg and foot muscles. My shoulders were aching, too, from carrying around my purse with my notebooks and stuff.

But my sore legs could not take away from the happiness blooming in my heart.

God, that sounds corny.

I GOT A MEDIA BADGE FOR E3!

Okay, so I don’t have the actual media badge for E3 in my possession yet.

But I do have my media registration for E3 confirmed, which means I’ll be able to pick up the physical badge on June 9.

You guys, I’m so excited.

For those of you who don’t know, E3 stands for Electronic Entertainment Expo. It’s basically Comic Con for video games. It’ll have game demos, press conferences, and panels galore.

This will be my first time attending.

I can’t even find the proper words to convey how thrilled I am. I feel like jumping up and down around my house in joy.

I’m so excited!

And also nervous.

This won’t be like San Diego Comic Con, where I know what to expect and how to plan for it. I have no idea what to expect for E3.

Anybody who knows me knows I don’t like unplanned adventures. I prefer stability and pre-planned adventures. But I’m going to swallow back my trepidation and step out of my comfort zone.

Because this is E-motherflubbing-3.

Expect in-depth posts about my experiences attending E3 2019 after the event happens (so after June 11-13). I promise to describe everything I can in detail. Well, more detail than I normally do.

Also, if anyone who has been before reads this, could you please tell me any tips about going to E3. I’m a clueless, Below Average person.

Side note: Maybe I should start calling myself a BAP. And this blog could be the BAB.

Side side note: Whoops, bad idea. After a quick Google search, I have found out that “bap” means a woman’s breast. Never mind.

Side side side note: Heck, maybe I should just embrace it. Bap. Bap. Bap.